Cheers and Jeers for Friday, March 15, 2019
Observe: In the present day is the Ides of March. I appear to have misplaced my dagger, so I am going to should assassinate you with this toothpick as a substitute. [Poink Poink Poink Poink Poink Poink Poink Poink!] Sorry, this would possibly take awhile. When you’re bleeding out by your pinholes, please assist your self to a muffin.
By the Numbers:
Days ’til St. Patrick’s Day: 2
Days ’til the Kushstock Pageant in Adelanto, California: 5
Favorable emotions towards Biden, Sanders, Warren and Harris, respectively, within the newest Des Moines Register-CNN ballot of Iowa Democrats: 81%, 71%, 63%, 58%
Favorable ranking for unbiased Howard Schultz, former CEO of Starbucks: 7%
Annual lease charged final 12 months and this 12 months, respectively, by Cooper Union School for the land it owns underneath New York Metropolis‘s Chrysler Constructing: $7.5 million, $32.5 million
Variety of IRS staff, down from 100,000 in 2010: 79,000
Decline in IRS audits of millionaires since 2010: 50%
Your Thursday Friday Molly Ivins Second:
I do like the thought of supporting democracy, nevertheless, and assume we must always attempt it—especially right here within the U.S. of A. To this finish, a few dandy concepts are actually circulating, and I feel they’re value your assist and pleasure.
For ages, all good reformers have wished to eliminate the Electoral School and have direct well-liked election of presidents, as a substitute. The disastrous election in 2000 lastly culminated in Bush v. Gore, a Supreme Court docket choice so dangerous even the courtroom disowned it on the time.
Each nightmare state of affairs about simply how screwed up issues might get with the Electoral School all got here true. What a large mess: a textbook case of why the Electoral School is poisonous piffle. However the want to Do One thing concerning the mess in 2000 burned itself out. The Republicans who took over Congress are simply not pure reformers.
Pet Pic of the Day: Kneel earlier than Pootie Zod…
CHEERS to the GREAT STATE OF MAINE!!! We advised Massachusetts to kiss our hineys (effectively, the proclamation particularly says “kisseth our hineyeths”) 199 years in the past this week, after which we declared our independence and have become America’s 23rd state, although not underneath the most effective of circumstances:
Mainers had begun campaigning for statehood within the years following the Revolution.
It’s protected to go to Maine once more. Our racist, anti-Semitic moron governor is gone, our new governor is a progressive Democratic lady, and our legislature is all-blue.
The Massachusetts legislature lastly consented in 1819. What nobody in both Massachusetts or Maine foresaw, nevertheless, was that Maine‘s quest for statehood would change into entangled in probably the most divisive subject in American history—slavery. Most Mainers supported abolition. They have been dismayed that their admission to the Union was linked to the admission of Missouri as a slave state. This controversial “Missouri Compromise” preserved—for just a few extra decades—the delicate steadiness between pro- and anti-slavery forces in the united statesCongress.
We have got lots going for us, if I do say so myself. (And I do.) In the present day we’re as soon as once more dominated by a liberal Democrat…and for the primary time in our state’s historical past it is a governor with girl elements! We are the first state within the nation to approve marriage equality by a citizen vote unbiased of the legislature, our surroundings will decrease your stress degree in mere minutes, our lobster melts in your mouth, we have now a brand-spankin’ new nationwide monument due to former President Obama, and the Downeaster practice that runs from Brunswick to Boston is a large success story for Amtrak. Come on up and see us as soon as the roads are satisfactory when mud season ends in June. The black flies would like to have you ever for dinner.
CHEERS to America’s favourite frizzy-haired science man. Belated Blissful Birthday to Albert Einstein. He as soon as stated, “He who joyfully marches in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a big mind by mistake, since for him the spinal wire would suffice.” Wild guess: not a Trump fan.
CHEERS to cheep dates. In 5 days the groundhog will clap his fingers and—Poof!!!—winter will flip to spring. In an indication that each one is on schedule, the primary buzzards arrived immediately in Hinckley, Ohio:
They collect on the daybreak in a barren subject in Hinckley on March 15 yearly for various causes. Some return as a result of it’s custom. For others, it’s bucket-list factor.
“Hello! My title’s Sandy, and I’m your designated carcass picker. How might I make it easier to?”
As for the buzzards, it’s what they do. Buzzard Day arrived, and as soon as once more the turkey vultures didn’t disappoint.
The watch started at 7 a.m. and simply 58 minutes later the primary one took flight over a crowd of about 40 oohing and aahing admirers. The second sighting — this time a pair — buzzed by simply 12 minutes later. […]
The climate was favorable for watchers Friday morning, dry with a comparatively heat temperature within the mid-40s. The vultures glide in flight, driving hotter thermals somewhat than flapping their 6-foot-long wing span to get round and scavenge for meals.
The buzzards have been a little bit late this 12 months. After listening to about Paul Manafort’s newest sentencing they determined to spend a bit extra time circling over his jail cell. Nothing just like the pungent style of contemporary useless meat.
CHEERS to socialism, American-style. By way of the collective approval and funding by We The Folks, the Wildlife Refuge System celebrates its 116th birthday this week. Ever surprise the way it bought began? When you answered ‘no,’ robust. You’re gonna discover out anyway…
Within the late 1800s, the whims of vogue dictated that girls’s hats could be embellished by fowl feathers. To fulfill this want, poachers hunted many species of birds to the brink of extinction. Involved residents, scientists and conservation teams discovered a champion in President Theodore Roosevelt.
Their concern concerning the rookery at Pelican Island on the Atlantic Coast of Florida impressed Roosevelt to make use of his presidential powers to guard pelicans, egrets, ibises and different birds. With the institution of the primary nationwide wildlife refuge on Pelican Island on March 14, 1903, Roosevelt created the Nationwide Wildlife Refuge System. […]
“For the final time: three. THREE licks to get to the middle of a Tootsie Pop. Uno…dos,,,TRES!”
Constructing on that basis, the Nationwide Wildlife Refuge System immediately spans 150 million acres, together with 566 nationwide wildlife refuges and 38 wetlands administration districts.
When you’re pondering of visiting a wildlife refuge, be sure to take a map, a canteen, and path combine. However, uh, you finest depart the feathered hat at dwelling. Too quickly.
CHEERS to Ol’ Shortstuff. Blissful 268th birthday tomorrow to “Father of the Structure” James Madison—at 5-foot-Four our president (1809-1817) with the bottom heart of gravity and our next-to-last Founding Father to occupy the White Home (Monroe ended the period after him). Frankly, it is wonderful what he achieved contemplating that he was one sick pet:
James Madison was indubitably the sickliest president in American historical past.
Madison in his late 70s. Sick as a canine a lot of his life, however didn’t shuffle off his mortal coil till he was 85.
The person’s life reads just like the index to a medical textbook. Influenza, rheumatism, hemorrhoids—you title it, he had it. He suffered frequent bouts of sickness from a younger age and abstained from serving within the Continental Military in the course of the Revolution on account of them. […]
The situation of the based capital—Washington—didn’t assist. The realm’s proximity to a swamp meant summers there could possibly be infernally humid and suffering from fetid, unhealthy air. Whereas disagreeable for most individuals, it was downright crippling for Madison, whose “bilious indispositions,” as he referred to as them, normally pressured him to flee D.C. in the course of the sizzling months.
—From Secret Lives of the U.S. Presidents by Cormac O’Brien
And but he lived to be one in every of our oldest ex-presidents, expiring in 1836 on the ripe previous age of 85. Madison was additionally on the helm in the course of the Battle of 1812, when The Star Spangled Banner was written. Pay your respects right here. Ideally underneath the pink glare of some kind of rocket-like projectile.
CHEERS to the wearin’ ‘o the inexperienced beer. St. Patrick’s Day is Sunday and C&J extends a hearty “Begosh ‘n Pull Me Finger” to all our Irish readers. My ancestors are Swiss (“Say, is that the Matterhorn in your pocket or are you simply completely happy to see me? Ha ha ha, I child. It’s an Alpine horn.”), so I am completely impartial about St. Patrick’s Day. However Federal legislation requires us to put up the next:
Have you ever heard concerning the Irish boomerang? It does not come again, it simply sings songs about how a lot it needs to.
There is a new Irish restaurant being constructed on the town. They are going to serve connoisseur 7-course Irish meals. Everybody who is available in will get a potato and a six-pack.
Moments later, the seagulls ended the transient St. Patrick’s Day blimp period.
On St. Patrick’s Day, People are anticipated to drink over 13 million pints of Guinness. To provide you an concept how a lot beer that’s, go outdoors and have a look at the sidewalk. —Seth Meyers
What’s Irish and sits outdoors within the summertime?
Sadly, federal legislation additionally prohibits us from apologizing for the above. Shillelagh! (Gesundheit.)
CHEERS to dwelling vegetation. Listed here are a few of the glowing-screen haps this weekend. Chris Hayes and Rachel Maddow will digest the Friday information dump(s) between eight and 10 on MSNBC, together with the newest on the bloodbath in New Zealand and the worldwide pupil local weather marches. (Go, youngsters!) Then, on HBO’s Actual Time, Invoice Maher talks with former Deputy FBI bad-guy nabber Andrew McCabe, Sen. Jon Tester (D-MT), creator Jessica Yellin, former Tallahassee mayor and 2018 guv candidate Andrew Gillum, and John Heilemann.
The water across the “island gap” at TPC Sawgrass will steal a lotta golf balls this weekend in the course of the Gamers Championship.
New dwelling video releases embody the Oscar-winning finest image that we’re speculated to boo (I am advised) Inexperienced Ebook, and the Incredible Beasts sequel (please don’t make me write the entire title, it is like 159 phrases lengthy). The NBA schedule is right here and the NHL schedule is right here. (The Bruins are gonna win the Stanley Cup this weekend—don’t ask how, simply consider!) The Gamers Championship—aka the “fifth main” in professional golf—airs on NBC from TPC Sawgrass in Florida, and I am layin’ down all my cash on the ghost of Ben Hogan as a result of that man’s good! On 60 Minutes: a report on mind accidents affecting American diplomats in China the way in which they did in Cuba, AOL co-founder Steve Case appears for the subsequent “huge concept” in America’s heartland (how a few nuggety breakfast cereal you make from wheat that is referred to as Heartland Wheat Breakfast Nuggets?), and apparently we wanted an replace on the Prince of Monaco, so sizzling rattling that is what we’re gettin’! Homer turns into Bart’s online game coach on The Simpsons, whereas Meg makes the Olympic biathlon on Household Man (Fox). And John Oliver tucks America and its territories into mattress Sunday at 11 on HBO’s Final Week Tonight.
Now here is your rattling Sunday morning lineup. Eat all of it otherwise you get no cake:
Meet the Press: Sen. Amy Klobuchar (D-MN).
This Week: TBA
Face the Nation: Sen. Tim Kaine (D-VA); former U.S. Lawyer Preet Bharara.
CNN’s State of the Union: Sen. Amy Klobuchar (D-MN); Rep. Rashida Tlaib (D-MI); Waleed Shahid of Justice Democrats.
Fox GOP Speaking Factors Sunday: South Bend, Indiana Mayor and spectacular 2020 presidential candidate Pete Butigieg (D).
Ten years in the past in C&J: March 15, 2009
CHEERS to grownups in cost. In yet one more signal that the Obama administration intends to ratchet down the citizen-scaring “Battle on Terror” nonsense that the Bushies foisted on us 7 years in the past to assist them win elections, the Justice Division immediately stated it is scrapping the time period “enemy combatant.” Any further, suspected terrorists shall be known as “Cheeky Leaky Rubber Child Butterbutts.” If nothing else, studying the courtroom transcripts’ll be enjoyable.
And only one extra…
CHEERS to “Q.” Composing and producing legend—like, the form of legend that different legends have a look at and say, “Okay, now he is a legend”—Quincy Jones turns 86 this week. Our favourite Q-tune is his junky-tonk theme for Sanford and Son and if you wish to launch some waterworks simply go revisit his Oscar-nominated rating for The Colour Purple. For pop thrills there’s Thriller. However for sheer mojo-rejuvenating goodness, no playlist needs to be with out Soul Bossa Nova. I suggest that this change our present nationwide anthem. No phrases, simply groovin’…
In his roller-coaster experience interview with Vulture final 12 months, he stated: “I ended consuming two years in the past and I really feel like I’m 19 years previous. I’ve by no means been so inventive. I can’t let you know, man—what a life!” Stay without end, Q. I imply it.
Have a pleasant weekend. Ground’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about immediately?